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Longing from a place of self-pity is different from longing from a place of possibility. Sometimes we feel the impulse to heal or deprive ourselves from the very things that we desire because being “grounded” or “realistic” means to us not having visions, dreams, imagination, or optimism.

This type of behavior is absolutely rooted in fear. By facing our fears of rejection, disappointment, failure, and self-judgement, we can do the work of self-improvement and be honest about our wants and needs. This may mean unlearning some of the things we have been thinking or doing to protect us from foreseeable pain.

There is nothing wrong with loudly wanting love, community, family, friends, or even financial security. But the undue criticisms we have for ourselves as a result of these wants must be truthfully addressed in order to remove the stigma and the shame.


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