Often people come to me because they seem to be stuck. Their personal versions of stuck all depend on their life situation, but often have a theme that everyone can relate with...
I stop myself from being happy
No one really wants to think that they might be a victim of their own circumstances, but all too often they "cut their nose off despite their face". Here are some of the common ways that people get in their own way.
Self Talk
What we say to ourselves has meaning and significance. Often we swing between words of encouragement to self defeat. Notice something interesting. Self defeat can be positive and negative. Sometimes the positive self defeating words are words that will inflate your ego and justify self centered behaviors. They are self defeating because often times this self talk makes one pious, pompous, and pretentious.
Alternatively, self talk can be highly critical and abusive. Have you ever really noticed the things you say to yourself?
Many horrible things we say to ourselves we would never consider saying to another person. Which begs the question: Why is it acceptable to talk to ourselves this way? The answer is it's not. Many think that it's motivation to "do better" and "be more aware", but all too often we find that it just paralyzes you and leaves you to defend yourself when others point out ways to improve.
Get Out Of Your Own Way:
Take note of the way you talk to yourself and begin to eliminate comments that increase doubt, fear, and self hatred. To truly correct your self talk you'll want to begin to incorporate others healthy view of you. This means asking others questions that will challenge your critical statements of yourself.
*The Clinicians at Enso come up with some very creative ways of helping people to correct their self talk*
Projecting
Projecting is worrying about things in the future; that haven't happened. Often when we are feeling powerless, tired, overwhelmed, or vulnerable we project to the future and alter our decisions today. The difficulty is that we begin to drown under the weight of "what if" scenarios and get stuck by worry and/or fear.
Get Out Of Your Own Way:
Focus on what you can do today.
Isolation
When we feel overwhelmed and "off" we tend to push people away and withdrawal. We think that we are saving them from ourselves or us from their judgement. The difficulty is that in isolating ourselves we limit others opportunity to help us out of our "sunken place" and back into serenity.
Get Out Of Your Own Way:
Avoid tea parties! Connect with people, even if you don't want to. The good thing is that you can make it about them and ask them how they are doing instead of talking about yourself. Be of service to others as a healthy distraction and means to put things into perspective.
H.A.L.T.
H.A.L.T= Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired
When two or more of these are present we tend to be a bit more reactive. The reactions can vary but often include yelling, defensiveness, irritability, and procrastination.
Get Out Of Your Own Way:
Eat healthy meals, get plenty of rest, spend time with people you love and that lift you up, and put yourself on a"time out" and walk away from conflict.
10 Benefits of Getting Out of Your Own Way
Confidence
Restful Sleep
Stress Free
Productive
Promotions
Healthy Diet
Better Exercise
More Time
Improved Relationships
Spiritual Guidance